Oh my Lord, this is funny

I’m looking though drafts of this app thing to see if I can find anything I didn’t post and needed to. And I find was this.

No text. Just the word ‘confusion’ and this photo.

I remember finding this photo but do not remember anything about the title, or what I wanted to write about. Oh damn, I really wish I knew, because it must have been good.

When I first saw the post I was laughing so hard. It’s still funny now.

And this is a text message I just received. Asking me if I’m dead, from a friend who thinks she can sense when people die.

And this is a photo that’s really helping my recent batman obsession😂.

Their bathroom also reminds me of my bathroom. To be fair, all bathrooms look similar on some level, but still.

-Lily

Holiday Packing

I’ll skip straight to the point.

The basic essentials:

• Clothes, remember pjs (duh)
• Book
• Toothbrush
• Phone and phone charger
• ……Um

I can’t think of any more things you need so ima skip to other things that I have packed. And I’m gonna spend a good 5 minutes trying to remember them.

5 minutes later:

• Face day cream thing
• I took my GoPro
• Gum
• Contact lenses
• Earphones
• A little bag that can fit my books

And a some study books.

Now, here’s what other people might also bring:

• Hairbrush (ok I forgot)
• Makeup (ikr, some people are crazy)
• Snacks for the journey
• Purse (I just grabbed plain notes and stuffed them in the front pocket of my suitcase like an idiot)
• A handbag

Ima have a break here to talk about handbags. Like why? Ok I get little ones or ones that fit in suitcase without taking up place. But those huge unfoldable ones that make sure you can’t pack half the things you want. Ok, so there are those people being like, ‘well I can bring an extra bag with me, so yeah.’ Ok, fine, lovely, I can too but I filled a bag with books, just saying. But those people who don’t have an extra-bag kinda flight or they’re struggling with space… DITCH THE BAG. What are you doing? Phone, purse, pockets, done!

If you have kids who want to put random stuff in your completely empty completely useless bag. Tell them to hold the thing they’re carrying. Build them arm muscles! 💪.

I’ve actually had this conversation before, and people always try to convince me otherwise. They talk about phone and purses, which I already said should go in pockets. Then they mention passports and documents, may I remind people of the beautiful suitcases you have. Epically if that suitcase has a front pocket in it. Makeup bags? Suitcase! Random hats and scarfs and gloves? Suitcase! Laptop? Why in the name of all things holy, would you carry a laptop in your handbag. I’ve seen this done so many times. FOR GODS SAKE. Suitcase!

There’s also the excuse of, ‘it’s easier.’ Just stop yourself there. You lazy, fabric pouch carrying weirdo.

….now. The most heard excuse. ‘I feel safer with it.’

…..

………..

……………..

What the duck 🦆.

They talk of not wanting their passports to be in their front pockets in fear someone will steal it. If that’s how paranoid you are, bury it deep in your suitcase or put a lock on the little zip up things or something. I still think that’s easier than carrying one of these:

This. Is a very funny photo.

Now back to the listing:

• Travel adapter (I have some where I’m going so didn’t bring it)
• Diarrhoea treatment (I just went online to see if there was a really good one, so I saw this and threw it in there just to grab your attention.)
• Other electrics (😂)
• Accessories (some people pack these and don’t just wear it on them)
• Your positive attitude (as in, I’ve run out of ideas)

So, to summarise, you don’t need lots, bring a bunch anyway, just stop yourself with handbags unless you have an extra bag flight, and diarrhoea treatment IS DEFINITELY A NECESSITY!-Lily(Can we just appreciate how I did not name a lot of essentials or things I brought but I managed to end up with too much to fit a suitcase. Where’s the logic?)

If you look at this picture and not want to read this, your insane

Tell me people, that this isn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Imagine knowing someone with this big hair.

I mean that’s one epic person.

When you think about it, that person had strength and flexibility, tolerance and a hell time.

First strength. Imagine having to twist and pull to get all the way to the bottom of that!

Tolerance to have that in the summer and just be frying yourself. And washing it.

And having time to plat or do pretty much anything with it. Drying it probably takes who knows how long.

And can we appreciate that pose. You may think that she’s admiring something and trying to look up to see it, but no, that’s her hair weighing her down. The girl can do nothing but look up. Who knows when was the last time she saw the ground.

If your asking why this random post has been made, it’s because I have a nine year old relative here who started talking about this picture and I’m just here translating it, (cause he can’t English), writing it all down because he’s so funny! (He wanted me to write it down, because he saw me on WordPress and got all excited that I have an account.)

In school, according to him, they call him ‘the commentor’ because he comments on everything. It’s questionable where he gets all his opinions from, because sometimes it’s like your talking to a full grown aggressive adult. It was epically funny when he was about 5 and he had so much to say about the world. The guy talks politics like it’s his second language.

So I showed him this photo which I thought was funny and this is a small bit of everything he had to say about it. He kinda flip flopped from saying it was horrible, to amazing, to funny, to depressing. It was very time consuming.

Idk even know how to tag this post, what am I even meant to say?

-Lily

(Ha, you spent your time reading about a 9 year olds opinion on the girls hair)

Mugs glorious mugs

My mother just handed me about three boxes, all containing a bunch of mugs.

All with different colourful designs and in their own little boxes. I have three options:

1) Keep or dumb em all😑

2) Give each one of my friends one of these random mugs. And be happy to think about how those mugs are sitting in their kitchen cupboards.

3) Open up a place to free yourself from anger by throwing mugs at a wall. 5 sets of smash mugs costs £15. (Yes each mug cost £3 even though I got them free, I’d make such a good business women). Or if people bring their own mugs, it’s £1 per mug.

(I love how none of my options actually talked of using the mugs for drinks)

^I made this at like 11am 28.01.18 and I haven’t posted it till now. I have some issues with forgetting to do this!

-Lily< strong>(Another important consideration, about maybe changinghow I sign off. A simple ‘L’ might be more mysterious)

WHY IS IT SO HARD

THATS IT, I’m gonna put on an alarm on remember to post these goddamn things.

-Lily

(Yes it was short, but powerful)

I Make These Posts at 1am and Post Three Weeks Later

I was looking outside my window just now, and saw two people making out on the street. I was about to go to bed when I spotted that the girl looked freakishly like my friend who was staying over with me.

I look in the other room, she’s not there.

I look out my window, those two are still making out.

I’m so pissed that I start running out my apartment, running in my trainers and PJs.

I had full intentions to shout at her for kissing my neighbours in the middle of the night.

And the funniest. Most humiliating. Thing happens.

I run up to them, out of breath, angry out my mind. I just stand there breathing deeply in and out like a madwoman. They look at me like I’m a madwoman.

It’s not them. So I just said, “sorry.” And ran back, so humiliated.

My friend had just gone to the toilet.

This was only 5 minutes ago, my stomach and face hurt from laughing so much.

‘Your such a idiot, no one can even go to piss in peace without you doing something stupid while their gone.’-Words of my friend before she went back to sleep.

-Lily

Expectation vs. Reality

1)In movies, when you crush on someone long enough you either get them or more likely, find someone better.🎬

I find someone better, and that’s where it ends! No relashonship, whatsoever. I feel like I’m spiralling into a void of friend zoning!

2)The budget life is the only life. Never think to buy ‘best’ and keep to buying ‘basics.’

The only problem is, there ain’t no more direct wired printers you can buy. Now there’s only wireless. It took about 20 different people to look at it and give it a try, to dicide you need a specific wire that needs to be bought online to make it work. How is that wireless?

3) You’d think that when you give advice to someone after they asked you, they would then take this advice after saying, ‘yeah, that’s what I’ll do.’

But no.

And it’s not just one person, it’s three in a day today. People probably ask me questions because they like the sound of my voice. I can’t find any other reason.

4) Punny. Small people….can tear you apart. They I the reason (as I’d like to think) that I quit going to the gym.

I think that 15minutes on the treadmill is powerful when people half my age, little kids (who know why they’re at the gym), pick up weights bigger than them and start doing squats with that weight on their shoulders. Who teaches them this?!

I’m doing 50 sit-ups and those kids manage to do about 100 different excerises that I would never have thought off.

And there’s nothing more embarrasing then waiting for them to leave so you can try some of those excersises.

The shame is real.😔

-Lily

Why people like me shouldn’t get iPhones

The hell is a podcast?

I’m so bad with technology that it’s sad. The most confusing thing to me is an Apple computer. I just don’t get it. But I thought I was going to be ok with a new phone.

So I got myself a new lovely phone which has a bunch of storage for pictures and downloads…..

But I have nothing to download. I’ve spent so long savouring 2GB that I have no idea what to do with 32.

So I’ve decided to stick to the basics first and download a few favs from YouTube converters online. This phone doesn’t let me do it though! So I decided to download a MP3 app thing, but it only lets me view Taylor Swifts videos, not download them.

I want to be able to access music when I don’t have wifi! I don’t want to waste money on 4G. Is that so wrong?!

Can someone just please tell me how to Taylor Swift-Look What You Made me Do!

-Lily

Damnnnnnn Lily

Over the holidays holidays, I forgot I even has wordpress. This is blowing my mind.

I have a blog!

The last time I knew this was about a month ago. Damn Lily. The familiar font is making me feel like lived a whole new life and came back fresh as a daisy.

So much stuff had happened! I would tell you all now but I need to go soon.

So stay tuned or whatever people say for love stories, my fails over the summer and my holiday as a ‘happy bunny.’ Ciao bellas.

-Lily

The Funniest Thing in A Boring Situation

I’m in a Internet Cafe, because I have nothing better to do then watch my brother do his university late application. I decided to go on internet and look up a few things on google images and found this.

I don’t know why something so annoying and stupid could be so funny.

How can someone mess up so much?

At first I was really disgusted by this fail, but then I went into a huge giggling fit. Was it because it was funny or stupid or bugging me, I don’t know.

I even thought it was staged because it was so idiotic.

Then I went into a second full-on laughing fit because I realized it could really happen to someone, if that someone was like me: the race of the unaware, clumsy and unskilled.

-Lily

Three

Omg I haven’t done a favourites with a meme title in ages!

So here you are you lucky sods

• Okay so this totally doesn’t count but GOING BRA LESS OH MAW GAWD IT’S AMAZING. I’m only on like week 2 but still.
• Lorde- Perfect Places
• Ikeaaaaaaa I just got a new desk from them and it’s pengggggg
• Tapestry ‘s I already had an orange one with elephants and I just ordered a moon one. I think they look so pretty and tgey always calm me down.
• Teddy bears. How did I ever sleep without one! Here’s Charlie (named after the perks)

Cara xx

Relaxing is Probably the Most Painful Activity

There’s now a water park near my grandparents house. Everything is epic, except for this one slide that shoved my costume so far up my butt that it looked like my ass was eating toxic waste candy.

And my little cousin threw herself on this huge slide and ended up in crutches because she furiously jumped in it. And when she landed it shifted her hip bone.

I know it shouldn’t be funny. But while I was writing this post, she forgot she hurt herself and started running with the dog.

Two steps later, she was on the floor. We’re now both laughing at her fail.

-Lily

Sorry I can’t, I’m a nun.

Recently at school I’ve been filling out all my forms saying I’m going to become a nun mostly as a joke. Plot Twist I become a nun.

For example on my review of the year , a booklet that my tutor reads over and then gets sent home I wrote “In the future I want to become a nun. This means that I going to university isn’t in my future plans as you don’t need a degree to worship God.”. The joke has gotten out of hand…

My mum randomly came home with a nun doll for me.  Btw this is the same doll but a picture from the internet.

We’re currently doing dance in P.E for a Dance-a-thon and my BFF (plot twist 2 lily and I aren’t BFFs) choreographed and let’s just say we all looked like sluts shaking things that shouldn’t be shaken haha.

Lily, our friend and I were the only ones failing and went a tiny bit mad. To summarise we said ‘die’ every time we moved and offended a lot of people, made up our own dance and weirdly started singing and saluted. In the end I just stood there and refused to do it on the account of being a nun to be.

I’m screwed for this dance a thon but either way I can’t shake my butt because I’m becoming a nun.

-Cara xx

pls no one find this offensive I actually love nuns and would genuinely be cool with becoming one.

 

ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY

Shhhhhhhhh. Don’t be scared of the capital letters.

Just don’t understand what you people want…so….I’m gonna talk bout my curtains!

I’m getting new furniture! A new bed, and NEW CURTAINS!

My ones used to be white, now their grey and have holes in them and a small blood stain when I was dancing, tripped and fell on them. I had a nose bleed.

You’d think I wouldn’t be dancing around in my bedroom like a 6-year-old, when I wasn’t even drunk.

I was trying to teach myself how to salsa and tripped over a chair, fell onto my desk and hit the curtain. On the other side of that curtain was a window.

-Lily

 

I cant believe you done this

The other one done well so here’s some more favorites and from now one there going to be my favorite memes/vines . Honestly this made me laugh for TWO DAYS YouTube it of you haven’t seen it

Records

There so cute and vintage and this one is so perfect because it DISNEY. I use them to help cover my photo wall kinda thing I have going on. I really love them and it only cost £1. The shop was super creepy though and lily had to go in with me and deal with the scary Germans haha

Plants!

I found a shop that sells flowers for £2 and those succulent things for £3. Meet

Dave      Emily     Jeremy  and   Patrisha

I don’t know how buy I’ve managed to start to kill them help!

These shoes omg. They’re from select and I love them so much. It’s so annoying because my clothes are very girly and floral with a little bit of hippy but my fashion sense in shoes are very badass and motor biker haha but with this shoes and can pull off both yay

Hope you liked

Cara